Help me…I lost all my steps

I promise my next post will be more uplifting.

I read once that the beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change. So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love.

Maybe this will help me through these days.

Clearly I have skipped past the first weeks of pure amazement of being free in a new country! Everything fell into place the second I stepped off the plane.  Had my wwoofing (willing to work on organic farms) assignment in place and spent a week wandering around the weird city of Auckland.

Now I am in Kare Kare – a remote place in northern New Zealand – where I feel stuck working on this farm everyday for the next month.  The winter is creeping in on the southern hemisphere making me wish I stayed for one last Texas summer…

I am beginning to have flashbacks of memories I thought I tucked so far back in my mind they would now be forgotten; some great, some sad, some dark and full of grim.  I suppose working four-six hours each day in a field would make anyone force these thoughts to the edge of their brain.

I think the jagged impact of this strange country has finally hit me – and now I am having to wonder what I am doing out here; I miss my friends, (even some of the ‘surface friends’), I yearn to talk to my family, and I feel like I have been running from something.  The thing is, I cannot say what it is I have been sprinting from, but I am now stuck in a stand still so confused as to which direction to pick up my pace again.
I need faith. passion. religion. patience. guidance. clarity. comfort. time.

I have been encouraged by my host and almost-mother here to go out and have fun, explore New Zealand while I can.  With that being said, I am looking forward to this Kiwi Experience tour bus I booked.

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