Shatter, flight, fight, repeat.

My heart pounds with anticipation as I glance at the clock, 4am, and it seems as if time itself is sprinting towards the moment of departure. A surge of indescribable emotions courses through my veins, rending any attempt at verbal expression futile. It is as if a tempest of feelings is tearing me apart, a whirlwind of excitement, apprehension, and exhilaration colliding within my very being.

I find myself in this place once again, not physically in Colorado, but rather uncovering the intricacies of my past lives and how I found myself trapped in the same cycle. I have traversed this path countless times before. I waste precious time chasing an elusive dream, often uncertain of its true nature. Yet, an overwhelming force always derails me. It shatters me completely, like a forceful blow of a bat. I am left with no choice but to enter a perpetual state of fight or flight, a constant battle against the obstacles that come my way. And it seems that I have always chosen flight. Several years pass, and the cycle restarts anew. New faces and places each time, a brief distraction from my despair. It’s me alone against the world – I immediately assume fight position. Because I am so damn good in fight mode.

But this time, something is different – I can sense it deep within my bones. A childhood dream that told me long ago this was my destiny.

With another one-way ticket in hand, I find myself contemplating the urgent need to resolve my affairs soon. The number of unexplored continents is decreasing rapidly. It is undeniable that there are countless opportunities yet to be seized in previously visited lands, but to retrace my steps would be a regression, and my sole inclination is to move forward. Perhaps, someday, I will reconsider this perspective.

Like I said, it’s 4am and I’m wondering what the hell I’m doing here. Embracing the chaos of having zero plans and sprinting to a foreign land, where the locals speak gibberish and the ridiculous currency exchange allows you to briefly feel like a millionaire. Not to mention, the courage of navigating through as a solo female. Who needs a map anyway, right? Who needs the comfort of knowing which way is up when you can revel in the joy of being utterly clueless? It’s like a rollercoaster ride without a safety harness, and boy, that only scraps the surface. Fear is the secret ingredient, the fuel that ignites your inner fire. It’s like caffeine for the soul, making your senses tingle. Who needs a clear path when you can take the road less travelled? It’s a hell of a ride. And I keep buying this damn ticket where I have limited control and allow fear to be my guide. Buckle up, Jennifer, because this adventure is going to be sacred on so many levels.

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